i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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