Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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