It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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