He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
