things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
