i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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