thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Randomize
