oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
