I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
