Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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