oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
