Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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