i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
