Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
