My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
