Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
