did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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