I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
