Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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