i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
