The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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