Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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