so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
