I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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