Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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