he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you never un-have a 4some
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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