i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
