I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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