we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
