he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
try to milk me bitch
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