He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
