She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
