ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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