U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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