Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
