just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
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