I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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