I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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