My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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