Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
