I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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