nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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