So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
