I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
