"it" just moved
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
