this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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