girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize