cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
