mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
