im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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