I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
