Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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