I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
