just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
