some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
