So drunk its hurt
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
