i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
