Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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