You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
