So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
