Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
