Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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