dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
