I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
