I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
