i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
