Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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