Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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