Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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