i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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