So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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